Archive for June, 2010


I suffered my first severe case of withdrawal yesterday.  Mike had gotten tickets through his work for a special screening of Eclipse, so I decided to take my sister to see it.  When I made the plans to take her, I wasn’t thinking about how long I’d be gone from home.  In total I was away from Julian for all of 5 hours, but I felt horrible.  I had been away from him before for an hour or two (to go grocery shopping, etc.), but never for 5 hours.  He probably didn’t even feel my absence, but I was tortured while I was away from him.  Is this the maternal guilt that all mothers talk about?  Will I never be able to have a “life” again without feeling bad?  Or will these feelings get better over time?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m certain there was at least a few minutes that would go by where I did stop thinking about Julian and what he was doing at home, where I allowed myself to relax just a little and dare I say, gulp, forget…for just a little that I am a mom.  But for the most part, my eyes often strayed from the movie screen to my cell in search of a new text message.

All in all, we survived the night, or rather I made it through mentally in tact (at least for now).  Julian was in safe hands at home and peacefully asleep when I rushed in the door.  Wow, this new identity takes a lot of getting use to.


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It’s been my observation that there are differences between the sexes once there’s a baby in the mix.  (I doubt this is really shocking news, but I feel it’s pretty noteworthy nevertheless).  I will admit that my hubby is very helpful with the baby.  I have found that his bond that is different with Julian.  Don’t get me wrong, I know he loves Julian, but the way he shows it is different from what I would have expected.  For example, I find that he pays more attention to our dog, then to the baby.  My theory for this is that I have had more time to become attached to Julian…afterall, he was physically attached to me (within me) for nine months before being born.  I felt him growing inside me and moving around in those months, whereas Mike could only feel Julian’s movements every so often from outside.  Julian has gone with me everywhere I’ve gone for almost eleven months.  Only once Julian was born could Mike really begin to develop a relationship with Julian.  Only now can he begin getting to know him.  But I had a head start.  Additionally, some people have said that some men tend to be a bit standoffish with babies, particularly newborns, and only once they get a little bigger and begin holding their heads up do they feel more comfortable around the wee ones.  Whatever the reason, it has admitedly be a bit of a surprise to me.

Anyway, getting back to my first point about there being differences, I find that I’m so thoroughly amazed by every little thing that Julian does…whether it be a new expression or sound that he makes.  I just can’t get enough it seems.  I’m the one calling Mike saying, “Hey, come see this!”  Julian happens to be the focus of my conversations for the most part.  Perhaps because Julian is the focus of my days.  I wonder whether this is how it is for all women.  Is Mike not as “Julian crazy” simply because he’s a man?  Or because he doesn’t spend his days at home with him?  Or neither?

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Julian is now more than a month old –   I can’t believe it!

Looking back on the past five weeks or so I’m surprised we’ve made it this far, relatively unscathed.  Most people had mentioned that the first 6 weeks would be really rough.  I will admit that the first three weeks were especially difficult for me, thanks to the challenges I had with breast feeding, but there’s already been huge improvements since the three week mark.  I have been getting out with Julian at least a couple times a week.  I think that that’s been a huge help.  What’s been equally helpful is that Julian has become a little bit more predictable in terms of his feedings.  For now, he feeds every three hours or thereabouts.  In addition, he sometimes sleeps a little during the day (thanks to him finally liking the swing) which gives me an opportunity to get other stuff done that I’d like to do.

The only new development that I’m a little concerned about is that sometimes in the evening, before his bathtime, Julian seems to be a little collicky.  He cries and is unconsollable.  He doesn’t seem to be hungry and he isn’t wet and doesn’t have a dirty diaper.  Even holding him isn’t much help.  Fortunately though, this hasn’t happened every day, and I certainly hope it doesn’t begin doing so.

All in all I’m happy that my baby is already a month old, and I’m happy that I’ve been successful in getting him this far without having any major meltdowns and feeling like a horrible failure.

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First Playdate

Julian had his first playdate on Monday.  I think I had a lot more fun than Julian did considering that he was sleeping most of the time.  I met up with two ladies that I had met at my prenatal class and their new babies. The little ones are only hours or days apart in age.  I was pretty exicited about the coffee date, first and foremost because it was a way out of the house, but also because I’d have an opportunity to compare notes with other new moms.  Not only did we swap birth stories, but we also swapped tips.  It was also nice to hear the challenges that they have been experiencing.  For example, both ladies had difficulty with breast feeding like I have had.  (See another post all about my challenges with breast feeding).  Before you knew it, we had been chatting for 3 hours and we weren’t even close to running out of things to say.  While we were at the coffee shop another new mom (and ambassador for Lululemon) ran into the 6 of us and invited us to join the free mom and baby boot camp at the mall.  Believe it or not, I’m excited about attending the boot camp next week as well.  So long as Julian cooperates, I think it will be really enjoyable for the two of us to get out on a regular basis and interact with other people (moms and babies in particular).

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